Bananas Gone Bad

The talker is asleep; I must write quickly before she wakes...

Last year when Rosaline started school, we were initiated into the whole ‘nut-free zone’ thing; and it’s a little bit of a pain, but you do get used to it. It helps that all the grocery stores have gotten up-to-speed with products and clearly-marked packaging. Nuts are now at the forefront of my mind—I’m just glad we didn’t do this in the 80’s ‘cause, basically, my entire diet as a kid consisted of some form of peanut-butter sandwich (plain, jelly, or banana).

Then, this year, Rozzy came home with another newsletter (incidentally, printed on yellow paper!) informing me of a banana allergy in school, and asking us all to do our part in creating a banana-free environment. There goes the remaining part of my 80’s diet—I would surely have starved to death back then! 

Which makes me wonder, where were all these kids with allergies back in the 80’s? Did they somehow manage to survive among us in secret, or were they all killed off? Or maybe they went to special nut-free schools on the outskirts of society? Very strange.

Which also makes me wonder: what would happen in the future if certain allergies forged in reproduction—say if Mr. No Nuts married Miss. Go Banana—would some sort of mutant food allergy child emerge?

I was shocked when I did supply work at a daycare to learn of all the allergies kids seem to have these days. One boy was allergic to three different fruits, though he could at least be in the same room as a grape or a tomato.

What all this means now, though, (for the rest of us, I mean) is lots more rules to follow. It can’t be easy being a care-provider/teacher these days. These are the rules Rosaline will now be subjected to in school:

• - Wash hands in morning before entering classroom to remove possible traces of banana from hands;
• - Eat snacks and lunch in the classroom under direct supervision;
• - Refrain from having food in the school yard;
• -   Do not share food, utensils, or containers.

Did I accidentally sign her up for military school?

My advice, is that people only marry and reproduce with others who suffer from exactly the same food allergy. So, Mr. No Nuts could marry Miss. No Nuts, Mr. Go Banana could marry Miss. Go Banana, and so on. Or find a partner with no food allergies, and that would be okay, too. But I really think we’d better get a handle on this before it’s too late—before there are no safe foods left to eat on Earth!